he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
