my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
