i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
