I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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