make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
