when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
