He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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