Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It was confusing and full of hummus
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
