New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
