My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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