Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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