Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
