oh god the rape fog is back!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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