Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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