The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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