end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
