DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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