i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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