Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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