Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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