sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
