Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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