I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
