I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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