we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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