Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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