Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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