Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
