Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
the liver wants what the liver wants
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
