I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
