Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
