i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
