I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
