I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
