70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
