i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
