you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
