...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
