super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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