Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
