when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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