We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
