You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
