I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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