at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Someone signed my nipple.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
