he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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