Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
