Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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