i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
