we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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