Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think my moral compass just broke
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
