I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
