Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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