can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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