My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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