these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
