That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
