You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
