Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize