we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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