Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
