Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
