lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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