he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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