I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Terrible idea I love it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
