O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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