go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
