We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
