i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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