i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
