The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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