I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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