put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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